Comrades, I started cutting myself again, but now a hint deeper. I don’t regret it. I feel much better. I just realized that I have no one to depend on. No one that wants to actually listen to me. No one that actually cares for me. I’ve tried to commit suicide twice and I don’t want to try it again, yet.
I only have four people that cares: Sarah, LaNia, Jess and Izzah.
Comrades! You’re back. I guess, you really do care(:
I just have to tell you some things that has happened the past few days. Firstly, I am having some major drama in school. No, not the school activity drama but the stupid haters activity drama. This couple, a close friend of mine, asked me for some help. Me, being the nice *cough* person I am, I did help. But then, stories were twisted by some idiotic people and I’m now included in that stupid situation. I just didn’t want people to fight. I get hurt if I hear or see that my friends are feeling hurt. So, I’m now included, which I STILL think that it is pretty stupid.
I just pre-ordered the One Direction Up All Night Tour DVD and i got free entry pass to the Singapore Premiere at Sentosa. It was on 23rd of May. Unlucky me, I have my first day of camp on that day and also it is my mom’s birthday. I wish i could go but there’s no way I could. I feel sad like crying. Well, I’m gonna continue cutting myself now. ):
Hello(: I’m Ryan. I’m 14 years young. I’m in Year 8 of school. I’ve been bullied since Year 7 due to my sexuality. I’m gay, but I’m slowly changing. The bullying I get in school is harsh, both physically and emotionally. I’m called ‘faggot’, ‘gay’, ‘sissy’ and more. To the bullies, these things are funny but in all reality, it’s painful. You may think that I’m overreacting and that those are just words. No! I’m also get hit for being gay. I’m slowly changing. I’m not gay anymore. I’m bisexual. I went from the point of having real friends to having only 1 real friend. I was extremely sad one day, I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t have control over my body. I took a penknife and started giving myself some cuts. the pain was nice. The feeling of blood flowing on my arms were extraordinary. I felt as though the pain wasn’t enough. I went on and took my moms hairclip and lighter. I light up the lighter and hovered the hairclip over the small figher, heating the hairclip. Once the hairclip was hot enough, I pressed the hot piece of metal on my arms. It caused my arms to puff up. The pain was, yet again, amazing. But still, I felt as though the pain wasn’t enough. So, I clenched my hands into a fist and started hitting myself. I hid those from my parents.My crush then found out that I was doing those things and she now forbids me from doing so. I promised I wouldnt. But the pain was very addictive that I couldn’t stop. I continued burning and cutting and bruising myself, but instead of my arms, I continued on my stomach and thighs. Another day, I got very depressed over what people were saying about my and I started thinking of suicide. I took my penknife and held it on my wrist. I wanted to slide it but the. I thought of the people supporting me. I thought long and hard about them and I removed my penknife away. I really wish I could fall in love with someone and they love me back for who I am some day. I’m not finishing the story of my emo experience because it would be very long. but that’s how far you need to know. I Love whoever reads this.
-Ryan
